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Either-or is the nature of duality. Both-and is the nature of unity.
Circumstances are either good or bad in duality. They are both good and bad in unity. In unity, even just the bad can be found to be good, hence the phrase, "it's all good."
Life is both determined, and I have compete freedom of choice.
How can that possible be? Unity is beyond the intellect.
Life is determined by the structure of intelligence embedded in every particle of creation that ensures life is always moving toward greater and greater joy. I have complete freedom to choose in this moment what I give attention to.
Life is nothing but my story about it. My experience of life is what I tell myself life is. If this is true, why not tell myself a happy story? Like this:
There are three fundamental forces in this apparent life: creation, maintenance and destruction.
In order for the new to be created, the old must be destroyed. Destruction of something I think I like is generally what I call "bad." Anytime I see destruction, of anything, no matter how dear it may have been to me, it is creating the way for something new to be created.
Now, I might make the argument that the "new" being created is worse than the "old" that was destroyed. But how can I know with certainty that that is true? It can only be "worse" from a limited point of view, because when I look at anything I have ever known and view it over some period of time, it always seems to get more interesting as the new gets created from the old. It only appears "worse" when I limit the time frame within which I view it.
With this, I have to come to the conclusion that nothing "bad" ever happens. The only thing that ever happens is the appearance of change. The story of life is the story of change. The constant of life is that what appears is always changing and what is unseen never changes.
What is real?
Whenever something that is dear to me gets destroyed, it reminds me that my happiness cannot be found in that which changes. Thus destruction is always for the sake of bringing me back to that which never changes.
As this process of destruction draws my attention inward, away from the field of the senses, I discover that deep within my own experience of life is peace, calm, bliss.
This field of life is always there, always accessible to me.
The real is that which I can count on. It is the never changing field of bliss, and the ever changing field of the senses. That field of bliss is always there. And the field of sensory experience is always changing.
Both-and. Never changing and ever changing. Both together.
Fulfillment lies in accepting and embracing both-and.
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